10.11.2013

Kiwis (the fruit, not people from NZ) are dumb.

2 days ago I had a message on my voicemail to call my OB/gyn's office back re: recent pelvic ultrasound (aka "dildo-cam") results.  The ultrasound had been ordered by the PA I recently saw to get a look at some small fibroid(s); to help determine whether or not I need a hysterectomy or if simply adding 200mg of Prometrium™/bio-identical progesterone will combat annoying-as-hell peri-menopause symptoms.  First thing yesterday AM I talked to one of the nurses at the office and she said I have "a 'kiwi-sized' 'cystic mass'" on my right ovary.  Oh joy.

The term "cystic mass" is horribly ambiguous.  Anything cystic in nature falls under this umbrella.  By definition ovulation creates a cyst.  But cysts can be benign or they can be cancerous.  At my age and given my history of endometriosis it's highly unlikely that it's "the big C," but still...until I know for certain, yeah, my brain keeps going to worst-case scenarios. And since the blood test they do to try to narrow things down can throw false positives when a woman has endo, there's some probability that I won't know anything for sure without removal and biopsy.  I had lab work done yesterday, but have yet to hear anything.  The waiting is gonna suck. I have an appt. with an OB/gyn on 11/4...I'm guessing if the blood work comes back sketchy that we'll be scheduling surgery. That may be the case either way (I may just opt to have this ovary and my uterus out now. I'm 40 and done with baby makin'). Looks like I might be missing the last cyclocross race (or two) of the season for the 2nd year running if the doctor determines that surgery needs to happen ASAP. If it doesn't appear to be cancerous or in any other way risky I'll likely schedule surgery as soon as CX season is done.

This finding does explain some various symptoms I've had over the past few months, the bulk of which I chalked-up to the stress of moving.  I'm guessing this cyst developed right around the time we moved, so 6-7 months ago.  At this point I'm guessing the doc is going to recommend surgery or waiting a month or two to see if there is any change, assuming it's a straightforward cyst.  If it's a cyst caused by endometriosis (an endometrioma, which is my suspicion), then it will almost certainly require surgery.

I've even lost close to 5ish pounds in the past month or two without huge effort...I should be overjoyed by this, but it makes me sorta nervous, as I've never ever had an easy time losing weight -- certainly not without obsessively logging every morsel that passes my lips.  Unexplained weight loss is a symptom of ovarian cancer (but so is exhaustion and I've not had that in any noticeable way, which is greatly reassuring.  In fact, some of my strongest runs all year have been in the past week or so, thanks in part to blissful and cooler Fall weather).  Fuck me to tears if the only way I can drop pounds is to have a potentially deadly tumor on-board.  Seriously...just fuck that!

Bikestras™ on our bicycle built for 2!
I hope whatever is going on that it's not something that will require going under the knife ASAP (assuming that it's not cancer.  In the event of cancer I, of course, want that evil out of me yesterday!).  DH and I are registered for a gravel road race on our tandem...this would be my first ever gravel race AND race on a tandem.  It's only about 2 weeks away.  This would be my last shot at a big race in 2013.  The long-course duathlon I had recently been registered for was cancelled due to lack of registrations and volunteers.  Bummer.  I was really looking forward to it and feel pretty strong (for me) on uphills after our JDRF century ride in the hills on the Natchez Trace near Nashville.  I was looking forward to representing 3rd Coast Racing (in our swaggy new kit, seen at right) with at least an age group podium spot.

We've been taking out the tandem most Weds nights with many from our 3rd Coast Racing team (we rode this past Monday night, too, so lately I've been logging most of my bike miles on the back of the tandem in the dark...it's a surreal experience much of the time, for sure).  I'm over the worst of my earlier abject terror.  Super-fast steep downhills with loose gravel/sand still have me feeling about to shit myself, though.  I don't know if it's helpful that I can't see where we're going or not.

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